My Valentine’s Day Gift: Healing My Heart


“He’s way too young for me, he lacks maturity, he has no connection to God.” These were the three main reasons I thought I should not have been in relationship with my former partner.

As I reached out for support, actually I was reaching out for anyone to listen to my victimized story of my relationship, something in me shifted. I became aware of the notion of healing my heart.

“Could this be my first step in stopping the pain?”

I kept claiming to myself and my world that I shouldn’t be in this relationship, yet nearly four years had past and it was apparent, on some level, that I should be in this relationship.

If I was to love, firstly myself, I needed to know my truth.

Without recounting all the gory details, pointing my victimized finger of blame, I remember a glorified moment when my partner and I both looked at each and agreed our relationship needed to change.

“I love you and something calls to me to trust it is time to change how I relate to you.” He looked deeply into my eyes and gently said, “I agree.”

Learning to love again, to love myself deeply, is not about loving someone else.
The baby steps encompass being honest with myself, unconcealing the pain and loss attributed to my relationship and choosing a willingness to go deep into my own world to expose the story I made up about its ending and what I made it mean about me and my former partner.

It was time to examine the story and all the ways this relationship “should” have been. Yet, this was work I needed to do while not being in relationship with him.
I wasn’t sure why I wanted to do this work. It felt right to bury my pain and as the world told me growing up, “Don’t be so sensitive.” Some that loved me actually said, “Get over it, Princess!”

One of the most profound truths, which resonated with my heart, was an expression used by a woman I interviewed with who would become my Spiritual Divorce Coach. She gently shared, “You cannot heal what you cannot feel.”

To really heal my heart, I had to acknowledge and feel what was there.

My 13-week process and journey called Spiritual Divorce, with a Coach, was very scary. I found the courage to face my loss, my fears, my shame, my sadness, my anger and my denial. I was told that what was in it for me was shifting from being a victim to being totally responsible for my life.

Not only was I wiling to face the scary parts of my relationship, but also now I was beginning to sense what would be available to me if I were to heal my heart.
If I did my work I may be able to experience confidence, strength, and more love in my life.

My Coach gently asked this of me, “Would you prefer to fully dive in now to heal some of the old emotional wounds you’ve been carrying? Or would you rather put it off for another 2, 5 or 10 more years and allow those wounds to continue to fester and affect your life?”

I gave myself permission to forget what I thought I knew and come to know that which I’ve never thought before.

I healed my heart by learning to accept, surrender, embrace Divine guidance, be responsible, choose, forgive and be the creator of the greatest love for myself.

I’m remembering, with Valentines Day looming, it is me that is responsible for healing my heart. I ‘m also able to breathe into knowing that the eleven reasons the relationship, in my mind, didn’t work were actually all things I was 100% responsible for.

My former partner is now one of my greatest teachers of self-love. I owe my heart to him, thank you TCL.


About Thomas Kevin Dolan Coaching

Thomas Kevin Dolan, Master Integrative Coach Professional™ has, for close to a decade, coached or advised everyday folks who need a gentle reminder to get out of their own way. People – such as athletes, high-profile executives, parents, siblings, couples, artists, activists, those pretending to know, those willing to not know, entrepreneurs, and seekers of ease, effortlessness and grace – who wish to effectively and successfully participate in a healthy relationship with themselves, and with others they value. Thomas and his work has been featured on HealingPodTV, Yinstill Reproductive Wellness, and The Ford Institute for Transformational Training. He has also been featured in major publications such as Xtra West, Business In Vancouver, Living Out Vancouver and Out In Singapore. He resides in Vancouver, British Columbia and Honolulu, Hawaii. Magic exists in his life because he knows that which he seeks is already seeking him, and he allows wisdom to have its way.
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1 Response to My Valentine’s Day Gift: Healing My Heart

  1. Thomas love, I just found the time to read this. I savor your blogs like a nice pour of my favorite tea. Thank you for sharing from your heart. We can’t hear it enough that self-love is the key to true love with another. Having a path to get there is the key and the greatest blessing. I’m so glad you are sharing your healing work.

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